Every spanking session is different, even when you play with the same people. One day your partner is punishing you firmly for some naughty grievance and the next, they’re making you purr with hypnotic sensuality. 

Talking about the kind of spanking we wish to experience can add excitement to our sessions and spice up our flirty dirty talk. My stomach still does little flips when someone tells me I’ll be punished (*gulp*) or spanked for maintenance purposes. Let’s talk about seven common types of kinky spankings to try with your sexy play partners. 

1. Punishment Spankings (mwahahaha!)

These are the scary spankings most of us fantasize about while we climax. The spanker’s goal is to provide a harsh consequence for undesirable behavior—one the spankee will genuinely want to avoid in the future. There’s often little to no warm-up, meaning the spanker delivers an uncomfortable amount of pain right from the start. The sound of hard, ceaseless smacks may be accompanied by lecturing or admonishment. After beginning with their hand, they may move on to terrifying implements like paddles, belts, or bath brushes. Often, the spanker continues until they feel the lesson has been learned.

The spankee usually consents to this experience out of a desire for accountability. They value self-improvement and want their partner to help them live at their full potential. They may also enjoy being on the receiving end of intense domination. Behaviors eligible for this kind of chastisement may include a defiantly sassy attitude, procrastination, or slacking off on one’s exercise routine. It depends on which rules the partners have negotiated. No matter the sin at hand, there is likely to be squirmy kicking involved. Punishment spankings aren’t meant to be torture, but they are meant to suck.   

2. “Funishment” Spankings  

These are essentially pretend-punishment sessions. The spanker “disciplines” their spankee for “bad” behavior, but the vibe is more playful than serious. The spankee wants to be spanked and may behave in bratty ways or push their partner to get the spanking they (not so) secretly crave. They get to pretend they’ve been a naughty so-and-so, but unlike with real punishment spankings, both partners are meant to enjoy this theatrical comeuppance.

I like funishment a lot, but it’s not for everyone. Some spankers don’t like bratty behavior or having their buttons pushed. “If you want a spanking, just ask! You’re driving me nuts!” Brats, make sure they’re down for this before you pretend to throw a fit or commit whatever insubordinate act you’ve devised. Fishing for funishment without enthusiastic consent can lead to actual arguments. If your spanker does like to play this way, however, and you’d like ideas for ways to spur them to spank you, I’ve got an extensive list here. 

3. Roleplay Spankings

Roleplay gives us a chance to become someone else for a while, encouraging creativity and exploration of different personas. We can play stern professors and impish students, or incompetent maids and their incensed employers. I once had a play partner pretend to be a farmer who caught me—a sneaky fox with a fluffy tail plug in my butt—making mischief in his barn. I also went through a stint of dirty talk with a partner who I pretended was my older brother, who caught me throwing a rowdy house party while our parents were out of town for the weekend. (That one felt spicy.)

Roleplay can get silly at times and you may find yourself giggling, but can also be used to explore more serious hypothetical dynamics. How deep you dive while playing your roles is up to you. Some spankos like to wear costumes or even visit particular locations together to help suspend their disbelief. It’s important to tap into the mindset of your character. How does a stern, old-fashioned professor behave when he discovers his prize pupil has gotten a big fat F?

4. Sensual Spankings 

Sometimes our sessions take an erotic turn. Rather than focusing on punishments—real or imagined—we can aim to create arousing sensations. Sensual spankings aren’t meant to be harsh and tend to start off quite softly, building in intensity over time, but never reaching overwhelming levels. The spanker should emphasize cultivating pleasure, stimulating endorphins, and giving the spankee exactly what they want. Choose implements both partners can enjoy rather than the extra mean and scary ones.

Spanking sensually can involve touching of genitalia and several breaks with lots of cheeky rubbing. Love the butt, friend… caress it fondly! Marvel at its voluptuous appeal and how it stirs the primal creature inside you. The aim here is often to set the mood for subsequent sexual activities.

5. Stress-relief Spankings

Life is a string of challenges and this type of spanking gives us a chance to decompress from society’s circus. All the struggling, clenching, and physical exertion during sessions can help release pent-up tension—especially for spankees. Stress-relief spankings also give receivers a chance to express emotions like sadness, frustration, or overwhelm that we’re not typically encouraged to show other people. 

(Some folks use the term “therapeutic spankings,” but I don’t love that wording. There was a post-2000 period when a handful of kink-focused writers described BDSM as a possible form of therapy and I find that to be a ✨problematic✨ suggestion. Kink is not a substitute for mental health treatment.) 

After this type of session, we may feel like we’ve just gotten a firm massage, leaving us melting in a pool of blissful relaxation and reveling in the stillness of a cleansed psychic state. Some spankees refer to this as a feeling of being “reset,” like all our worries have been washed away and chaos has been tamed. Spankers who dole out stress-relief spankings usually leave out sexual overtones and aim to break down the spankee’s emotional walls. This can involve hard smacks and subtle invitations to let it all out. It’s a vulnerable exchange necessitating a great deal of trust between partners.

6. Maintenance Spankings

I have written about my love for maintenance here. The idea is that we spankees are habitually naughty creatures and punishment alone isn’t enough to keep us in line perpetually. Spankers must also prevent misbehavior before it happens by reminding us of our Ps and Qs. No specific transgression has occurred—it’s more the vibe of, “Don’t even think about it. Remember what this feels like?”

The truth is, spankees function better when our seats are heated routinely. We feel peaceful and cared for when spankers nurture our needs. At the end of the day, this is all an excuse to connect intimately with our partners on a regular basis. Maintenance spankings aren’t usually intended to reach punishment-level intensity, but should be impactful all the same. 

7. BDSM Spankings

“Hang on, T. Aren’t all spankings housed under the BDSM umbrella?” The answer is absolutely yes—this is all technically BDSM. I find, however, that many spankos feel there’s a distinction between spanking culture and the wider BDSM scene. Our niche tends to gravitate toward cozy, domestic dynamics rather than the darker D/s vibe of a dungeon. We’re more likely to reach for hair brushes and belts than floggers and whips.

If I were to dole out a more BDSM-focused spanking, I’d think more about the sensations of “impact play” than creating the headspace of discipline practiced domestically. I might also incorporate blindfolds, bondage, or sharp, spikey toys. There’s no hard line to follow here—you’ll find significant overlap with domestic spanking practices. Nothing is wrong with either sphere; the energy simply feels different.    

To spankers who are still learning: don’t stress too much about these labels! You can mix and match dynamics to your heart’s content. These are just the common styles you’ll hear discussed in the scene. When a spankee asks what type of spanking you love giving most, it’s nice to know what they’re talking about. No matter which spanko pools you choose to swim in, always follow up with aftercare. Don’t forget to moisturize the cheeks! We must keep the buns supple.  

Have fun, friendos!

-T