Anytime a spankee posts a pic of their toasted cheeks online, viewers all tend to have the same question: “What did you do?”

Though any excuse to spank is a good one in my book, the stakes feel higher when it happens for a reason. This is especially true when the dynamic of the connection revolves around discipline. We spankees may technically be adults (and highly sophisticated, thankyouverymuch), but our inner child still desires support, structure, and a firm hand keeping us on track. That’s where our spankers come in with their dastardly reasons reasons REASONS for reddening our rears. 

I have found we spankos tend to circle around a core list of punishable offenses. Here are 10 common reasons spankees end up over laps.

1. The spankee has procrastinated. 

It feels nearly impossible to get everything done on time. Our to-do lists are long and we are tired. We may also be afraid to fail or feel overwhelmed by the enormity of whatever project we’re putting off. “I’ll write that book next year when I finally feel ready.” We never do quite feel “ready” though, do we? And not doing a thing is the easiest choice in the world. 

This inner battle will destroy your life if you let it. At the end of the day, shit must get done or everything falls apart. We know this. Our spankers know this too, which is why those who care are more than willing to punish this common offense. With consistency, we spankees can form better habits and stop putting our future selves in terrible pickles. 

2. The spankee was late. 

I’m often guilty of this one. I grew up in a family where no one arrived on time for anything. No matter how much we rushed, we were always 5-10 minutes late. (Unless we were going to the airport, in which case we were 4 full hours early or my dad would have a panic attack.) 

That little voice that says, “It’s just a few extra minutes, no biggie,” still lives in my head to this day. Most people are cool with it, especially if I tell them I’m running late, but some people are not. It is, in fact, rude to keep the punctual people waiting. We must respect other’s time, particularly those in charge of smacking our buns. Spankings await spankees who fail to arrive on time. 

3. The spankee didn’t complete a task.

Like most people, we spankees who crave discipline have a long list of tasks to complete each week. This may involve chores, errands, bills, or routines that keep us healthy. One of the tasks on my list is kickboxing three times a week. I feel like a SLUG when I fall off this schedule. Peak performance for me means sweating and hitting things.

My play partner notices when I fail to hit this goal. “You’ve been skipping classes.” Lord help me, it happens! I’m lazy and it’s cold out there. This can result in mean spankings, but I am grateful to have someone to swat my ass into gear. Comfort zones are where personal growth goes to die.   

4. The spankee didn’t drink enough water. 

Some spankees hate water or simply forget to drink enough of it, resulting in dehydration that causes irritability, sluggishness, joint pain, and other potential health issues. Can’t have that! 

Health-focused spankers know how severe the consequences can be when our bodies dry out and shrivel. They deliver consequences of a different nature to punish our negligence. No one keeps track of my water quota, but I know spankees for whom this is a very big rule. 

5. The spankee didn’t listen to the spanker. 

Apparently we’re supposed to listen to our spankers and do what we’re told. They get all cross when we zone out or roll our eyes as they go on and on and ON. My god, so much talking. 🙄 

We only have two ears. How are we supposed to listen to all that?! Regardless, spankers insist we heed every word, lest we end up with our bare bottoms in the air. 

6. The spankee acted like a sassy brat.

Bratting is a great way to earn a spanking from tops who tolerate it. Some spankers even enjoy getting riled up by our sassy antics—it gives them an excuse to “put us in our place.” The point is to poke them, literally or figuratively, until we’ve pushed them over the edge. 

“All right, that does it. You’re getting a SPANKING!” 

Yisssssss. 

7. The spankee stayed up past their bedtime.

Many spankees need help getting to bed on time so we’re bright-eyed and bushy tailed the next day. Winding down is a challenge, however, when the whole internet is constantly in our faces dangling shiny brain candy. Just one more video on YouTube! Just one more post to FetLife!

Unfortunately, it’s easier than ever for our spankers to know when we’ve stayed up too late. They can follow our online breadcrumbs to see how late we were up posting instead of sleeping. That digital footprint can come back to haunt (and then spank) us. 

8. The spankee has a cute butt.

This one happens a lot. We may be perfectly well-behaved, yet our spankers can’t resist doling out smacks because our bubbly bouncing buns are just too tempting. We can be minding our own business, then come under attack out of nowhere. What the Donald Duck is that all about?

“This bottom was made for spanking. If you didn’t want to get spanked, you shouldn’t have been born this way.”  

I haven’t surveyed any scientists, but I assume it makes sense.

9. The spankee asked for a spanking. 

The truth is, we spankees love getting spanked, even if we profess to hate it while it’s happening. It’s thrilling, calming, arousing, and deeply bonding. We tend to crave it daily, always thinking about satisfying the demands of our primitive reptilian brain.

When those cravings become too intense to bear, we may very politely—perhaps even shyly—ask our spankers to fulfill our deepest need. (Thankfully, lots of them usually say yes.)

10. The spanker felt like spanking. 

Sometimes we seem to be going over the knee for no reason at all. “What’d I do?!”

“Nothing,” they reply. “I just want to.”

This is a very horny reason, if you ask me. We can talk all day about the benefits of discipline and how punishments are a form of care in kink. That’s all well and good, but the wanting… the desire… the attention… these things matter most with the people we fancy. If you’re even feeling pressure to invent an excuse to spank, “because I feel like it” is perfectly acceptable. 

Spankees, which of these sins do you commit the most? Any others you get spanked for on the regular?

-T