I talk a lot (okay, a WHOLE lot) about spanking at this blog, but the truth is, bare bottoms can serve many purposes. Sometimes even the most devoted spanker must give their swinging arm a rest and explore other activities for a well-rounded spanko experience. If you’re looking for other peachy pursuits to incorporate into your kinky sessions, this post is for you. 

A friend of mine is sitting next to me as I type this.

“Thirty? You couldn’t just pick ten?” 

No! The universe is abundant and ripe with possibility. In this house, we want for nothing.

1. Slather bottoms with lotion.

Rubbing a partner’s sizzling cheeks with moisturizing lotion or oil after a spanking is just good manners, really. You can never go wrong with a softer, more supple butt. Find out what kind of moisture your partner’s bottom prefers and coat them until they’re glistening like a buttered dinner roll. 

2. Massage bottoms with compassionate care.

Booty massages are horrifically underrated and underperformed. Every time I get a professional bodywork session, I wish they would spend more time on the cheeks, but don’t want to ask aloud and be all weird abou’tit. Anyhoo, your play partner will LOVE you if you give a thorough rubdown to their butt, hips, and lower back. Don’t massage over bone; go for those tight muscles. Your firm, sensual hands will be the talk of the town. 

3. Smooch bottoms with passionate abandon!

Yes, Whoopi, that’s EXACTLY my intention! Who could resist the allure of a soft, pillowy meeting of lips to cheeks? “Throughout history, a kiss has been a ritual, formal, symbolic or social gesture indicating devotion, respect or greeting,” so sayeth Wikipedia. We would be quite mad not to extend those sentiments to the plump behinds we hold dear. Do it.

4. Toss that salad. 

I think you know what I mean, dear reader. If analingus is your thing and your partner is cool with it, part those cheeks, nestle in, and lick that sacred portal until it drips with slickness. I recommend your partner shower beforehand, but I’m not here to tell y’all your business. Live your life!

5. Jiggle bottoms like jello.

Relaxed booty cheeks are a lot like flan or pudding. Frame them in your hands and give them a shake! Watch the energetic waves of the cosmos ripple through those layers of succulent fat. Once the waves settle… do it again! Blurb blurb blurb blurb…

6. Put ginger inside. 

This activity is known as “figging.” Buy a piece of ginger from your local grocery establishment and carve one end into a smooth, tubelike shape. Insert it in your partner’s glorious anus and watch them struggle in an erotic haze of pleasurable pain. Ginger burns! But not harmfully. This is especially fun to pair with spanking because bottoms clench upon impact, causing the anus to squeeze around the ginger, resulting in yet more delicious discomfort. 

7. Wash bottoms and get them clean.

The fat-tailed sheep is a well-endowed domestic breed known for its distinctive hindquarters. I’ve learned it’s impossible for us spankos to see them in action without having some particular THOUGHTS.

I see your mind through your eyes, dear reader. Leave those sheep alone! Instead, pull your partner into the tub and give their big bottom a wash. You’ll both be happier people once the nooks and crannies are soapy and clean. Yet another activity that goes well with spankings, which sting much more on a wet bottom. 

8. Insert toys inside.

Our creative human family has come up with so many items to stick inside bottoms, it’d be impossible to get through them all, but don’t let that stop you from trying! Get some lube, go slowly, and fill your partner with magic! You might try a crystal butt plug or one that helps them cosplay a fox. There are always dildos as well! Which suits your partner’s fancy?  

9. Display bottoms and admire them.

Spankers love to place spankees in corners after spankings with their hot bottoms facing outward for all to see. Nothing could be more aesthetically pleasing than the callipygian form of a pair of pinkened cheeks. Display them in your home in a sublime style that soothes the soul, just like in that scene from Winnie the Pooh.

10. Write about bottoms.

“Dear barest of bottomly cheeks, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…” Butts are poetry in motion, so why not express your amorous feelings in writing? Perhaps a whole book of Odes to the Buns is in order. You might even write a whole erotic tale. Or a political treatise. Or a memoir based on your own butt’s journey. This could change many lives.

11. Stick your fingers in.

I’ve met a good amount of folks who love a finger up their butt. It’s smaller than the circumference of a dique, but still warm and human. Again, use some lube. Get slippery and go slowly, waiting to push further until the anus is relaxed enough for deeper penetration. And for the love of Father Christmas, cut those scraggly nails first!

12. The anal sex.

I once had a handsome man slowly fuck me in the ass while it poured buckets outside on a rainy afternoon. I moaned in pain and my pussy dripped while he whispered, “It’s okay baby,” in my ear from behind. Hopefully that memory makes an extended appearance as I leave this mortal coil and my whole life flashes before my eyes. Whewee!

Where was I? What year is it? Oh, right: when fingers are no longer enough to satisfy your partner’s anal urges, you can level up by filling them with penis parts. Lots of lube, go slowly… am I sounding like a parrot?

13. Practice anomancy on bottoms.

Last week, I wrote a blog post on anal divination, the act of reading buttholes to glean messages from the divine. Perhaps your partner’s back door houses consequential secrets or glimpses of the future. Get in there, stare deeply, and see what universal downloads you can channel.

14. Photograph bottoms.

Photo sessions are one of a spanko’s favorite affairs. The lighting. The angles. The round, outstanding, audacious curves. I know for a fact that great pictures of beautiful butts can warm hearts and heal minds, especially after spankings when they emanate their splendid glow. 

15. Serve sushi upon the cheeks.

In Japan, there’s a culinary practice called nyotaimori, known in English as “body sushi.” A nude woman lays on a table and plays the part of the platter. You can do this too, and with other foods, no matter where you reside in the world. I recommend having your partner lay on their stomach so you can slurp your favorite meal right off their blubbery buns. 

16. Hug bottoms snugly. 

All butts deserve a warm embrace. Wrap your arms all the way around and smoosh them on your face! Be tender with the pillows and they will do the same. 

17. Bite bottoms roughly. 

Okay, this one is rude, but it’s tough to contain our animalistic impulses in the face of such fluffy cake. If your partner enjoys your more primal impulses, sink your teeth right in for a big bite of booty. 

18. Sit bottoms on your face.

I have known a number of men who dreamed of being suffocated to death by bare bottoms. I could imagine facesitting could be especially nice after spanking your partner. Lay down and let them crush you with their warm, glorious cheeks! See how long you can hold your breath. Practice at your local pool for better results. 

19. Fill bottoms with pretty beads.

I’ve never had a string of anal beads up my bum, but I bet it’s a bit like, “oop. Oop! OOP!” They get bigger and bigger each time—a challenging crescendo of delight and surprise. Just when you think you’ve handled the diameter, a wider one arrives to push through. Remind your partner to breathe!

20. Melt snow with bare bottoms.

Spanked butts are efficient heaters. If you live somewhere snowy, have your partner plop down outside and watch them turn winter into spring. If their cheeks are really on fire, why not fry up some eggs while you're at it? Just in time for brekkie. Mmm.

21. Paint their likeness.

Artists around the globe have drawn and painted bare bottoms since the beginning of time. I’m convinced they’re the reason cave-people began painting on walls. Why not gift your play partner with your artistic interpretation of their bottom’s likeness? Have them hold still and channel your inner Bob Ross. 

22. Turn bottoms into a canvas.

You might choose to paint directly ONto your partner’s bottom. It’s popular in Spankoville to paint cheeks as pumpkins in the month of October, but you don’t have to stop there. Michelangelo is waiting for the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling to be recreated in living form. Make the man proud!

23. Sniff them. 😳

Who would do this perverted act?! Not me… but I do know a certain man whose whole world comes to life when his nose is in a bum. If you’re anything like him, perhaps your partner would allow you to get up close and personal, and take a looooong whiff. 

24. Tie bottoms up.

Shibari, the ancient art of rope bondage, can transform a bottom into a breathtaking spectacle. Wrapping your partner in rope highlights every curve, bulge, and delicious fold. Once they’re tied and snug, there’s no escaping your expertly delivered spankings—a win-win.

25. Adorn bottoms with decorations.

There are so many beautiful ways to enhance a fanny. Cover them with glitter or sprinkles! Spurt upon them with your spooge! Light a kink-friendly candle and drip hot wax across the plains of those upturnt cheeks. That’s how masterpieces are made. 

26. Clean bottoms from the inside.

Some spankos, though not all, are very into enemas. I can say from experience, it’s a lot like anal sex—you feel like you must poop, and SOON. If your partner is cool with this, you might give it a try together. Water can be used. Some hippies even pump coffee up there for a full cleanse of the colon. Do some research on safety steps beforehand, please and thank you. Some positions and techniques work better than others. 

27. Use bottoms as a vase.

The valley between the cheeks is the perfect place for flowers! Pick the most vibrant blossoms from your garden and place them in the crack. They’ll be happy there, I swear! Just watch out for brambles and thorny stalks… unless that is your partner’s thing. 

28. Dress bottoms up.

A beautiful tush deserves beautiful clothes. Lingerie, skirts, yoga pants, or cozy PJs all look incredible draped over a plump derrière. Turn your partner’s cheeks into a runway and enjoy your own private fashion show. 

29. Hook bottoms like a fish.

There are these things called anal hooks and they’re just as you’d imagine. Insert one carefully, attach the other end to a collar, rope, or anchor point, and voilà: your partner is beautifully restrained. They'll be quite stuck! These scary tools are favorites of shibari masters everywhere.

30. Whisper sweet nothings to bottoms.

Tell them they’re beautiful. Tell them they’re unique and you love them with all your heart. Tell them you’d do anything to bask in their marvelous aura. The world is a dark place and there's no time to lose; spill your guts with vigour before it’s too late! 

My friend next to me has a bonus suggestion: Divide your partner’s buttocks into 42 territories using a sharpie and play Milton Bradley's Risk: the Game of Strategic Conquest.

Whew! This got filthy! But now you have an arsenal of ideas to worship, adore, and enjoy bottoms beyond the classic bread-and-butter spankings we so adore. You’ll never run out of ways to make kinky memories and add variety to your spanky sessions. 

Try your favorites!

-T