Why Spankos Drop After Play and How to Deal with It (Subscribers Only)

Another piece by Louis Malteste

“What goes up must come down.” This old adage doesn’t just apply to molly-fuelled all-nighters at raves; it’s relevant to kinky life too! Spanking is a hell of a drug and the descent from that high can feel more like a crash than a fuzzy landing—both emotionally and physiologically. This unpleasant aftermath is known in kink as “drop” and can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days. 

Drop tends to be harsher for spankees since they’re the ones enduring pain, but it can hit spankers too. Knowing why we drop after play and how to deal with (or avoid) it will help you ride the waves of your spanko life more smoothly. 

Why We Drop After Spanking Sessions

Drop is most likely to occur after particularly intense scenes, which trigger a rush of endorphins, adrenaline, serotonin, and other awesome chemicals. When the session ends, those high levels abruptly drop, creating a chemical imbalance that can cause sadness or exhaustion. 

The effort of maintaining our role during sessions, whether we’re topping or bottoming, takes significant emotional and physical energy. Spankings can conjure a wide range of feelings that bring up questions about our core essence, identity, and relationships. “Am I a terrible person for doing that to my partner?” If anything goes awry during the scene (someone’s boundaries are crossed, for instance) those feelings can intensify. 

Insufficient aftercare can worsen drop too. Partners who help each other gently transition out of the headspace of play can co-regulate their nervous systems, exchange emotional support, and smooth out the chemical crash. Skipping this step can bruise the connection. “He just spanked me and left? Does he care about me at all?” It’s never good news when a partner feels upset after a session. 

How to Avoid or Cope with Drop

You and your partner don’t have to suffer. This should all be fun, goddammit! Follow these trusty tips before, during, and after play to keep drop from fucking up the vibe.  

Only play when you’re truly up for it.

Spanking is tons of fun under optimal circumstances, but can tank your mood when you’re feeling off balance. If you’re sick, exhausted, stressed, or lack the emotional availability to focus on your partner, it’s better to postpone. If you and your partner are harboring concerns about unresolved arguments or the state of your connection, hash those out before playing together. Spanking requires vulnerability from both sides and can pull existing issues to the surface. 

Put aside enough time for aftercare. 

Whether you’re spanking at home, at your partner’s place, or elsewhere, factor time for aftercare into your plans. Hang out together and cuddle after winding down, especially after hard sessions. Don’t make your partner drive home alone in a loopy headspace right after you’ve bruised their ass. Don’t let them stop by for a “hit it and quit it” quickie on their lunch break unless you’re truly cool with that. Aftercare is part of the process and most of us need it to feel secure. Make time. 

Be mindful of boundaries during play. 

A spanker must tune in and connect emotionally to learn where their spankee’s limits lie. Likewise, spankees must communicate boundaries clearly and be careful not to cause offense while bratting. Conflicts arise when hard lines are crossed and can cause lasting damage unless they’re resolved effectively. Staying mindful of each other’s unique boundaries will help you both avoid issues that ruin sessions. 

Keep the line of communication open. 

Once you’re alone after a session, you’ll have time and space to reflect on how you felt about it. Loneliness can set in, along with questions about the status of your connection with your partner. “Are we cool? Did they enjoy what happened?” Both of you should be available to check in with one another and say things like, “I miss you!” or “That was so fun. I feel like shit now though.” Touching base keeps everyone from spiraling or slogging through drop alone. 

Remember that drop is temporary. 

Rough periods of drop can feel like hell while they’re unfolding. You may be tempted to do rash things like dump your partner or swear off BDSM forever. “It’s not worth it!” Like any unpleasant chemical state, this too shall pass. Keep in mind that drop is normal and not necessarily a reflection of who you are or the quality of your relationship. If your feelings do indicate a problem in your dynamic, allow the intensity to fade before making major decisions. 

Eat comfort foods and drink water. 

Dehydration is common after play. This can sap your body of energy and amplify pain, so drink plenty of water. Treat yourself to foods you love that lift your mood, like sweets or your favorite nourishing meal. Sustenance will recharge your energy reserves, promote recovery, and help your body produce positive emotions. 

Get warm and pamper yourself.

Being cold puts stress on the body, especially while you’re recuperating from a challenging ordeal. Warm up with a bath or shower, bundle up in blankets, and turn on the heater. Sip tea. Get cozy. Dim the lights. Get some aromatherapy going, meditate, or put on a soothing audio book if your thoughts are racing. Now is your time to melt.  

Watch something lighthearted. 

Laughter gets endorphins flowing again. Put on a stand-up show by a comedian you love, a funny movie, or a live show by your favorite band. Cue up a playlist of your preferred ASMR genre or whatever weird, pleasant shit you like watching on YouTube. (I’m partial to beekeeping videos, cake-decoration time-lapses, and ladies with fancy nails crushing soap.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_wP50Ebw5I

This channel is my fave.

Don’t let dark thoughts take over.  

During periods of drop, you must keep the demons at bay. If you’re prone to dark thought patterns or have past trauma swimming around in your psyche, put those inner voices on pause. Tell them you’ll deal with them once you’re feeling better or whatever you have to say to shut them up. You’re in charge! 

Rest and sleep. 

Don’t force yourself to run a marathon, endure a night of partying, or work a shift after intense play. Let yourself wind down and sleep. Shut down completely. Turn off the phone. Fuck ‘em! You’ll feel better afterward and ready to spank again soon. Get that beauty rest, resilient spanko warrior. 💅 

Follow these tips and drop will fail to destroy you. You’ll get through it with grace and come away from your sessions with wonderful memories. Your bond with your partner will strengthen over time and you’ll both look forward to blissfully blistering the buns again in the future. 

Stay sane, spanky, and splendid. 🤘

-T