Switching as a Spanko: A Life of Revenge

Illustration by Louis Malteste, drawn for the French erotic novel 'Monsieur Paulette et Ses Épousesis'.

When I first started doing BDSM, I never thought I’d spank anyone. Psychologically, I’d had this fetish my whole life and in my fantasies, I was always the one getting spanked, not the one doing the spanking. “I don’t switch!”

Things changed as I got involved in the scene where I lived during my late 20s. After a few years of attending events put on by other people, I started hosting my own munches and play parties, eager to form my own kinky network. Curious friends joined and wanted to explore within our group, but most were new to BDSM and didn’t want to top. I wanted them to have good introductory experiences with someone they could trust, so I started spanking my friends.

I remember the first time I had someone over my lap. The responsibility of topping hit me like a truck. 

Oh! I’m in charge of making sure this vulnerable experience goes well. I’ve got to embody the ‘dominant’ vibe without crossing any lines… but I’m not a mind reader. If this person doesn’t clue me in on how they’re doing, I may have no idea. Caution and communication are needed.

Before that point as a spankee, I figured all I had to do was show up, bend over, and enjoy myself. I hadn’t understood how much physical, mental, and emotional work great tops put into creating excellent experiences for their play partners. I had played with tops who lacked empathy before and didn’t want to make the same mistakes they did. 

I’ll always identify as a bottom first and foremost, but switching has given me a taste of every angle of this fetish and made me a better spanko in the areas of skill and perspective. To play on both sides fosters an acute awareness of what one’s partner is going through during sessions. For me personally, this has created stronger bonds and widened the window of possibilities for fun.  

These days, I gravitate primarily toward other switches while building new play partnerships, which creates a different dynamic overall than playing with spankos who solely top. A good number of tops operate from a desire not only to spank, but also to ‘wear the pants’ in the relationship. That attitude doesn't appeal to me these days. 

Between switches, all's fair in love and war. We’re all naughty imps in need of frequent discipline. The real question comes down to who’s vying for control at the moment. Whoever’s currently in charge certainly won’t be all the time. This gives you pause when you’re the one spanking because you know sooner than later, your helpless partner will have their revenge.   

Switching isn’t for everyone, but I recommend trying it at least once for a taste of the other side. It’s a very different game when the playing field is level. Humility abounds and there’s never a shortage of lessons to be learned. No one gets too big for their britches or soaks in their haughtiness for too long. A vendetta awaits around the corner and eventually, the tables will be turned.

-T