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Spanking and Fertility

I often ponder how deeply ingrained spanking is in our history. Ancient art and literature suggest people around the world have been spanking forever, all the while offering a variety of reasons for doing so. I’ve always been disturbed by adults who do it to punish kids. There are folks out there, however, who claim the act wasn’t originally directed at naughty children, but reserved instead for women as a means of boosting fertility.

Certain societies traditionally believed spanking a woman of childbearing age could help her conceive or, if she was already pregnant, increase her chances of an ‘easy’ birth (whatever that’s supposed to be). This idea sparks conflict within me. I’d have to assume many of those ladies were roped into having their bottoms thrashed against their will. Spanking is my preferred means of making love and I cannot stand to hear of it used as a tool of sexist oppression by smarmy demonic agents of

☠️ ☠️ ☠️ ⚡️ T H E P A T R I A R C H Y ⚡️ ☠️ ☠️ ☠️

But the hedonistic spanko in my soul—the one who savors non-consensual fantasies while I masturbate—doesn’t seem to give a flying fuck about feminism. The idea of a burly husband holding her down and dutifully reddening her rear before penetrating to sow his noble seed in the lush depths of her lady-garden for the survival of their family, their village, and indeed their nation as a whole whether she likes it or not? Uhh... she's cool with that, consequences be damned. Rather irresponsible.

This is why I don’t let her vote or decide who we date.

Anyhoo, I’ve done some half-assed web research so we can all explore this subject together. Keep in mind, I’m not a doctor/historian/Indiana Jones and have no idea whether any of the following is true. Not to alarm you, but I’ve heard rumors that some people actually LIE on the INTERNET. (I know! It’s terrible!) I recommend that you not cite this post as a source for your dissertation, for you might end up looking a fool and nobody wants that. No. You are smart and full of integrity in a sea of vapid charlatans. That is what we must have them believe.

Big Red Butts and Reproduction

You might be wondering how spanking was ever connected to fertility in the first place. The answer may lie in the biology of our genetic ancestors. Female baboons, chimps, macaques, and other primates have bright red rumps that swell like crazy during ovulation. The males prefer and compete for females with the largest sexual swellings, reacting with intense interest and fervent arousal.

I mean honestly, who could resist?

If our ancestors instinctively linked swollen red booties with ovulation, mating, and sexual readiness, who’s to say we humans wouldn’t do the same? This visual trigger could, in theory, be genetically hardwired to incite sexual interest when we’re in the presence of, say, a freshly disciplined submissive partner.

There are things I could say, but I won't.

Spanking and sex share other similarities, as we know. That bent-over position we adore during OTK closely mimics lordosis, the stance most primates assume to invite copulation. There’s always a giver and receiver during both activities, along with varying degrees of dominant and submissive energies floating about. I have, on occasion, heard toppy gents admit that while they thrust into their partner during intercourse, they feel as if they are “spanking her on the inside.”

(That last part was so hard for me to type. It's truly one of the filthiest things I've ever heard.)

So yeah. Swollen red butts = baby-making, in the eyes of our DNA predecessors at least.

Fertility-focused Spanking Around the Globe

Let’s take a wee world tour to see how different cultures have spanked to save our species.

Ancient Egypt

Some say this all started in honor of the Ancient Egyptian deity Isis, goddess of maternity, fertility, marriage, magic, and medicine. Female slaves were reportedly brought to her temples and whipped in her name to promote fertility, a practice viewed by her followers as a sacred duty.

Ancient Greece

The Greeks apparently heard what the Egyptians were getting up to across the sea and thought, “Oi! We should spank too!” Author John Barry wrote in his kinky 1966 book Chastisement that it was customary for childless women to visit the temple of Juno in Athens to be whipped by the priests of Pan, god of the wild, and thus cured of sterility.

Ancient Rome

When the Romans conquered Greece, they appropriated a number of cultural elements, including the belief that spanking women would help get them pregnant. It seems they weren’t satisfied with keeping this in the temple and decided to designate a day for a Big Spanking Party.

B.Y.O.B. = Bring Your Own Booty

Lupercalia, the Pagan version of Valentine’s Day, was an Ancient Roman fertility festival. Naked priests and noblemen would roam the streets whipping any woman they encountered, usually with a lash made from goat skin. Some of the ladies allegedly welcomed the attention, baring their bottoms in public to receive the blows. The custom was meant to scare off evil spirits, purifying not only wombs, but the local land as well.


Onda Matsuri, an annual festival held at Asuka Niimasu shrine, is celebrated in early February to pray for a bountiful rice harvest later in the year. During the event, there’s an enactment of a play about a marriage between a human woman and a male goblin. A number of sexual acts are depicted between the characters, including a sound spanking, or several. You can even hang out after the show to get switched with a bamboo rod by the performers, if you’re keen.

NO ONE told me about this over the decade that I lived in Japan. I’m honestly surprised to hear it happens because most Japanese people I spoke with about kink (aside from those involved in the scene) were paralyzingly bashful about it. They’d freely discuss using spanking to discipline kids, but when it came to adult sexytimes? Not here, pervy gaijin.

“We don’t talk about those things out loud, T-chan.”

Hai, wakatta. Gomenne... 😅

Czech Republic

Pomlázka, the Czech version of Easter, is a fertility festival rooted in paganism that dates back to the 1300s. About a week before the big day, boys and young men go into nature to collect bunches of willow branches. They then take them home, soak them in water to make them more flexible, and braid them into a whip. It’s said that gents take great pride in showing off their craftsmanship during this preparatory ritual, working hard to create beautiful, elaborate designs.

When Easter morning rolls around, the guys take their pretty weapons, meet up with their boyz in the village, and walk door to door asking for the daughter of the house. When she appears, they sing her a short song, then playfully whip her bottom. This is meant to enhance her health, beauty, and fertility for the coming year.

Having received her spanking, the girl thanks her assailants. She then gifts each of them with an egg she decorated in advance, a ribbon to add to their whip, and a shot of moonshine for those of legal drinking age. In the afternoon, the ladies get revenge by dousing those who whipped them with buckets of icy water. Sounds like a raucous day of merriment and shenanigans, no?

"Take your goddamn egg and cut it out, drunkie!"

As an American living in the wokest area of the universe, I can’t for the life of me imagine this happening here. Any guy going door to door asking to spank the local ladies would likely be in for a brutal reckoning. I have a sexual fetish, but would I really want a bunch of neighborhood randos rocking up to whip my butt?

Maybe so, actually. I'll have what she's having.


The Manggarai reside in the East Nusa Tenggara province in Indonesia. A major piece of their cultural identity involves ritualized whipping fights, or caci, held to give young men a chance to prove their virility. Two adversaries square up and engage in a lively public performance. The guy playing the aggressor holds a giant whip made from rattan and other materials, which symbolizes the penis, masculinity, and the sky. The defender holds a shield that symbolizes the womb, femininity, and the earth. The striking of the whip against the shield represents the union of male and female during sex. Although caci tend to be playful in nature, they’re sacrificial at their core. Blood shed from the wounds serves as an offering to the ancestors of the Manggarai, who, in return, work to ensure the fertility of the land.

So… does spanking for a fertility boost actually work?

Anything’s possible, I guess. What I know for sure is that being spanked makes me and slews of other women rabidly horny, making us more likely to orgasm during sex. According to research mentioned in this article and countless others, climaxing increases a woman’s chances of conceiving. Therefore, I’d posit that spanking could help with baby-making provided the spankee is into it. If getting spanked doesn’t turn her on, however, it’ll likely stress her out and do more harm than good.

Whew! What a rabbit hole!

I hope you all had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. I may very well be ovulating early as a result. Get a hold of yourselves, ladybits!

It’s a horny and bewildering world out there. Take care, friends, and be well.




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