Skincare Tips for Spankees (Subscribers Only)

Another gem from Louis Malteste

Warning: I’m a witch, but not a doctor. None of the following is “medical advice.” Please consult a real doctor if you’re unsure whether the products and medicines mentioned here are right for you.

lol

For those of us who love getting our butts spanked, it’s ideal to maintain a healthy canvas at all times. The bare skin of our bottoms is frequently exposed to the elements and battered by the firm hands of our dastardly play partners. Engaging in these spicy shenanigans on a regular basis affects the cheeks in a number of ways. 

Here, we shall explore some spanko skincare tips together. A proper routine will help keep your fluffy buns supple, soft, and smooth to the touch like buttery, bouncy porcelain. 

For dry skin:

Repeated impact can chap the cheeks, which is why it’s important to moisturize after play sessions, if not on a regular basis. There are a number of options to choose from while searching for the right product type for your bum. Consider these:

• Lotion

• Aloe vera

• Lube (especially helpful for sexy post-spanking fun)

• Coconut oil 

If you have sensitive skin, I recommend using a gentle, unscented product like CeraVe Daily Moisturizing Lotion. (No, they didn’t pay me to write that but dammit, they should.) Also, drink water! H2O is key to proper epidermis hydration.

For blemishes:

Too much moisture, on the other hand, can lead to clogged pores and pimply buns. Not fun! You can fight booty spots by avoiding super tight clothing, opting instead for loose pants or dresses made from breathable fabrics like cotton. You can also enlist the help of common acne-treatment products:

• Benzoyl peroxide, a bacteria destroyer that soothes inflammation

• Salicylic acid, a chemical exfoliant that unclogs pores

• Retinoids, vitamin A-based products that boost cell turnover

Be sure to moisturize after using any of the above, as they dry out the skin. Use sunscreen on the buns as well, if you plan to show them off at the beach or sunbathe in the buff, as these products heighten the possibility of sun damage. 

For bruising:

While many spankees wear their bruises like jewelry, the ass-out lifestyle isn’t always tenable. If you’re blue, black, and purple and want to heal more quickly than usual, these products can speed up your trip back to baseline:

• Arnica, an herb used in small doses in homeopathic remedies

• Vitamin K, which helps seal blood‑vessel injuries

• Bromelain, an enzyme found in pineapple that breaks down trapped blood

These ingredients usually come in topical gels and creams. Slather them across the booty immediately after play and throughout the days that follow. 

For abrasions:

Hard play sessions can result in cuts and scrapes that draw blood. This creates the possibility of scarring and infection, which can impede the potential for safe future play. To that, I say nay! Some ways to handle these messes include:

• Mild saline solutions and gentle antiseptics for cleaning wounds

• Antibiotic ointments like Polysporin, Neosporin, and bacitracin

• Bandages and non-stick gauze to prevent infection

Wait for the skin to heal and you’re good to play again.

For inflammation:

Ever feel like your bottom grew three sizes after a spanking? Swelling can be an issue and while big buns feel extra bodacious, you may want to soothe your skin rather than sitting on soreness. Some ideas include:

• Ice packs, which contract the walls of arterioles and capillaries, reducing the amount of blood and plasma that leaks into surrounding tissues

• Topical anti‑inflammatories, including NSAID creams like ibuprofen—make sure these are safe for your medical situation!

• Acetaminophen—again, make sure this is safe for you, as it can cause liver damage in some people

Once swelling has peaked and started to subside (usually after 48  hours), you can begin applying heat instead, which dilates blood vessels. This improves blood flow and clears residual inflammation.

For itchy skin:

For allergy-prone spankos, histamine release can be a massive drag. Hives (a.k.a. urticaria) and itchiness can show up anywhere… even on your butt! This is not the type of swelling or redness we want at all. You might consider these solutions:

• Antihistamines like Zyrtec or Benadryl

• H2 blockers, which reduce redness

• Supplements like Quercetin or Diamine Oxidase (DAO)

Again, I’m not a doctor, so please consult a doctor before putting these things in your sacred biological temple. 

For tense muscles:

We spankees tend to tense up during hard spankings to shield our nerves from the pain of impact. Releasing this tension after play is part of what makes spanking so relaxing for many of us. I recommend the following to help soothe that tension:

• Warm baths with epsom salts, which relieve muscle aches, reduce inflammation, ease stress, and soften skin

• Soft massage techniques with your favorite lotion or oil

• Light stretching and deep breathing exercises

BDSM-Specific Products to Try

Some of our fellow kinksters out in the world have formulated skincare products specifically for use during aftercare. I haven’t tried these myself, but give ‘em a whirl if you’re keen and lemme know how it goes.

• Dr. Tush’s After Spank, a product containing vitamin E, hydrogel, and peppermint oil. It’s designed to deliver cooling relief, soothe irritation, and reduce bruising after impact play. This vegan product contains no parabens, fragrances, or animal products.

• Tantus After Care Cream, which contains active ingredients like arnica and chamomile extract. It’s used to minimize inflammation and bruising. This cream is free of parabens, sugar, phthalates, dyes, fragrances, or artificial coloring.

• UberKinky Whipped Cream Soothing Spanking Cream uses vegan-friendly ingredients like vitamin E and calendula to moisturize the skin and treat inflammation. 

• Spank Me Harder Aftercare Balm comes packed with a powerhouse of natural ingredients like jojoba oil, arnica, calendula, comfrey, kokum butter, beeswax, and lavender oil. Whew! This one helps moisturize skin, reduce inflammation, reduce bruising, aid cell regeneration, and promote skin elasticity. Note: this product is not safe for use on broken skin. 

Enjoy your self-care skin rituals, my spanko dahlings! 😘

-T