“We must all suffer one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”

—Jim Rohn

We spankos are discipline-minded bunnies. We understand that behavioral patterns determine our quality of life and therefore aspire to be our best selves. It’s common for us spankees to seek out sexalicious disciplinarians willing to hold us accountable, but true discipline begins with the self. No one can take on our life’s work for us.

As someone who’s been self-employed for over a decade, I wrestle regularly with the demons who flummox our self-discipline efforts. The procrastination demon. The “I can’t do it” demon. The “I don’t wanna!” demon. Here are 10 pieces of wisdom I’ve learned in battle.

1. Work just sucks sometimes. 

You can spend endless time and money on strategies to make work suck less. Brainy music to help you focus. Ergonomic gear. Pre-work morning rituals. Meditation. A bitchin’ pair of glasses that make you look smart, elegant, and office-fuckable. 

None of it fully alleviates the fact that much of the time, work just fucking sucks. Rather than distracting yourself with additional optimization efforts, bite the bullet, lean into the pain, and do the thing you’re avoiding. Scream if you must! FUCK! 

2. Gratitude helps. 

I’m sure you’ve heard this hippie tip so many times by now that your eyes rolled while reading it, but it works! You won’t be able to brainwash yourself into constant happiness (unless Zaddy Jeff Goldblum somehow follows you everywhere), but you can conjure appreciation for the opportunity to tackle your to-do list. 

Every day, I think about the fact that women couldn’t control our own finances in America until 1974, a mere 11 years before I arrived on this planet. The fact that I have the freedom to earn, save, and spend money as I wish is enough to get me off my ass and back on the grind. Time to get that bag. 

3. Perfectionism is poison.

Fear of not doing things perfectly can paralyze you completely, ensuring you get nothing done at all. It’s bullshit! Look around, friend. Who do you see on this planet doing things perfectly all the time? Not a damn soul. Successful people are MESSY. They’re hanging on by a thread most of the time, but they get shit done. 

Spill yourself everywhere you go like a sloppy joe. Don’t stress about writing the perfect book or doing a perfect workout. Write that shitty first draft! Play the fool whilst you yoga! Someone claims you’re not doing it right? Smile and say, “Have a fart.” 💨

4. Find people who cheer for you.

Adults don’t get gold stars for getting things done. No one hangs our pretty emails on the fridge for all to admire. It’s far more common, in fact, for people not to applaud our success. It’s not a conscious thing, but a comparison thing. Accomplish too much and some friends (even family, the fuckers!) will start feeling jelly. They’ll be reminded of their own self-discipline demons, feel insecure, and fail to put respek on your name.

For this reason, you must find rare, shiny individuals who TRULY celebrate your wins. These are people who light up with joy when they catch wind of your success. Ones who praise your amazingness, you fucking rock star. Place as many of these lovely people in your life as you can and make sure to cheer for them just like they cheer for you. Pop champagne! Hump each other! Yayyyyyy!

5. Discipline isn’t all or nothing.

It’s tempting to toss the whole baby out with the bathwater when you fail to meet a goal. “Shit, I skipped a day at the gym. I shall never exercise again! I’m a failure! A sloth! Time to spend the rest of my life rotting away in a cupboard somewhere.” 

Don’t do that! You can fuck up and still succeed. Hop on and off the wagon. Eat a whole cake all alone, say whoops that was delicious!, then choose vegetables tomorrow. You need not be a machine. The AI bots will be along shortly to manifest that fresh hell for us. (Get on it, Elon, you Nazi butt sniffer.)

6. Just don’t quit. 

This is really all that matters. Quitting sounds like your dreams dying violently in a fire. Quitting smells like three days worth of unshowered taint cheese. Quitting looks like pointing in the mirror and screaming, “I DON’T LOVE YOU!” We cannot afford to do that shit in 2026. 

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but life is getting gnarly out there and it’s time to tell it, “FUCK YOU! YOU WON’T TAKE MY PIE!” The path to the pie is a tight squeeze through the Great Vagina of Continuous Effort. You will get there → to the ethereal realm where angels blow sweetly on your nipples as you sip mulled wine. Keep going!

7. Self-talk matters.

The glowing inner child inside you doesn’t cope well with verbal abuse. If you’re in there telling it nasty things, it won’t help you accomplish squat. “You’re lazy and stupid and your ideas suck. You’ll never get to where you want to be! You should just give up and be poor and sing to bees in the English countryside but you’d fail at that too because your voice sounds like a tortured howler monkey!” 

Hear how MEAN that is? Flip that script on its ass! Tell that child it’s doing its very best, good things take time, and it’s very smart and capable. Handsome too! Irresistible! Holy shit! “You’re the type of person who makes incredible things happen against all odds. You can DO IT.” All the stuff your dad was supposed to say.

8. Work will make you love yourself. 

The more you accomplish, the more confidence you’ll build. Big challenges of the past will become small potatas. Finishing hard tasks allows you to marinate in Bad Muthafucka vibes. You’ll actually feel good about yourself WHILE working too, even if the task sucks. 

The most painful option is to lie on the couch arguing with the demons. “I should do that thing, but merhhhrrrhhhhhh.” That is HELL. Do not spend time there. Start doing the thing so you can be the Bruce Lee of your life rather than watching everyone else’s movie. Make money! Find enlightenment! Moon the government! Save kittens from burning buildings! Have passionate forest sex with the Universal Mind! 

9. 3 2 1, GO!

Sometimes you feel stuck like a butt that sat in wet cement and overstayed its welcome. Those are the demons yanking you down onto the couch. It feels impossible to get up, but you must! You are a wild animal, poetry in motion. Not a pancake. 

When I am trapped in this way, I tell myself: “3 2 1, GO!” The GO is when you spring into action. If you don’t follow through, it’s very disappointing after that fun build-up. Like a ruined orgasm. God, that is sad. You are glittery spooge flying across the room! 3 2 1, GO!

10. Disciplinarians can’t actually help you unless they have your respect. 

If you’re lucky enough to find a spanky disciplinarian to help hold you accountable, I leap with joy for you. That is Fucking Fantastic, if that’s what you desire. Here’s the thing though, and it might be kinda mean, but it’s the scout’s-honor truth: you won’t care about following through with your tasks unless you care what your disciplinarian thinks of you.

If you secretly feel your disciplinarian is a dweeb, or that they don’t have their shit together, or that you couldn’t care less whether they think you’re a slug, you will not do the work. They can spank the dickens out of you all the live-long day and none of it will truly land unless you think they’re awesome and want their admiration in return. Find someone who not only has a firm hand, but an ethos you respect. Their self-discipline will motivate yours.   

Now get the hell out there and make 2026 your panting, whining, moaning little fuck toy.

-T